Paul Revere A Despicable Tattletale, Says GOP

Republicans today criticized Paul Revere for his famous ride, saying that he had violated professional colonial ethics by divulging military secrets in violation of his duty to his lord, the King of England.

“These were sensitive informations about military troop movements with which he had been entrusted,” said G. Gordon Liddy, an expert on ethics in government and a professor at several unaccredited law schools.

“Paul Revere was a traitor and a law breaker,” said Anakin Skywalker in a confidential interview shortly before his limbs were lopped off and he burst into flame.

Conservatives all over America pointed out that Revere also endangered people’s lives by riding willy nilly all over Massachusetts at a full gallop in the dark of night. “He could have trampled someone,” said Bill O’Reilly. “Paul Revere was a reckless and irresponsible nazi,” he added.