Mark Morford: Eleven New And Happy Things

Santorum dead, religious right imploding, Bush whimpering in the corner. Can we all exhale now?
- By Mark Morford, SF Gate Columnist
Friday, November 10, 2006

1) (Chant, in happy sing-song voice, while holding bottle of wine, Astroglide and copy of Rob Brezsny's Pronoia): Rick Santorum is gone, Rick Santorum is gone, oh praise Jesus, Rick Santorum is gone. The third most powerful and first most reprehensible "Christian" Republican lawmaker in Congress was also arguably the most homophobic, misogynistic and small-minded of them all, especially given his sticky sheen of fundamentalist goo.

Remember Rick? He's the one who equated homosexuality with pedophilia and bestiality. He championed intelligent design, tossed Terry Schiavo's lifeless body like a political football, voted against Plan B and funding for contraception education and voted to ban abortions on military bases (among many, many other attacks on women's rights), thus earning himself a whopping 0 percent rating from NARAL. He also voted to cut the NEA, increase school prayer, pursue ANWR drilling and on and on. Ricky's voting record is the ethical equivalent of a pie full of nails left over from the "Passion of the Christ" bake sale. Women, the sexually awake and Dan Savage fans rejoice: Rick Santorum is gone. Praise Jesus and pass the wine.